here we go again

Funny how I ended up here again… It started off with seeing a friend liking a picture on instagram of someone receiving a cheque from Google AdSense. Out of curiosity (and desperation, due to the lack of job), I tried to find out how I can be part of this program. Turns out you need your own domain to set up an account… So I looked up domain names, only to realise I’d also need somewhere to host my site, which requires money which I don’t have… And so on and so forth.

In the end I decided to give up for now and settled for another WordPress. Maybe later on if I can actually build traffic, I’ll upgrade to making this blog “domained” (I’m pretty sure I just made that word up – and if it ever becomes a real word, I coined it!).

Here’s the problem.

I have a lot of these phases. I become so determined once I get an idea to do something and be so fired up – frantically trying to get my hands on as much information as possible and make preparations as soon as possible. Sometimes I’d spend countless hours sifting through sites, with ideas rapidly popping up in my head, which in turn fuels my determination. But once I reach a certain threshold, I’d stop in my tracks. Before I know it, I’d start mentally taking note of all the cons and in the end, convince myself that this probably wasn’t such a great idea after all.

I realise this happens much too often in my life. I’m okay with settling for less. Not because I want to, but because I’m scared to commit to something big and follow through, only to find that it won’t work out.

As much as I don’t want to admit it, my pride is too big to accept failure.
— I’m a sore loser. Probably the biggest one a person can be.

Having said all that, I guess I should really deal with this problem instead of taking the route of avoidance. I say I’ve always been struggling to find my passion, to the point where I’m getting frustrated and impatient. But in reality, I’ve just been constantly dismissing the answer I’ve always had at the back of my head because I can’t see a clear path or future, and I’m not willing to take a gamble.

So now I guess I should try deciding on something and running with it…

food or makeup?


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